I took this picture yesterday. I often take shadow selfies with my son. My phone is full of them.
This one stands out because I can see how we’re nearing the same height. He’s growing up so fast. Or rather, the passage of time feels fast.
When I go into Landon’s room at night and see his slumbering body is now almost stretching out of his bed, I can’t help but think it wasn’t that long ago when he wore footy pajamas and I’d go into his room just to make sure he hadn’t rolled off his bed.
My mom once told me she felt the years went quicker once we were all in school. I resonate with that. Perhaps you do, too.
With time comes growth. Thankfully, I am able to recognize that as Landon’s been growing up, I’ve been growing, too.
In fact, this month wraps up an incredible decade of transformation, manifestation and simplification. In looking back over the years, reflecting on all that’s changed with how I used to live life compared to how I live life now, I am grateful for all the lessons I was open to learning — lessons that energized my spirit and unmasked my light to help me grow.
I used to pour my energy into so many things that were not positively energizing and often drained me to completion.
I used to care so deeply about what life looked like. Even as I felt broken inside, I put on a smile and showed up to whatever social gathering I felt obligated to attend; “no” wasn’t even in my vocabulary.
I used to muzzle myself because I didn’t want to be disliked or called a b*tch for standing up for myself.
I used to feel unfulfilled and made choices that were out of integrity.
I used to live life on a looping treadmill I couldn’t get off that was being energized by a boxed-in illusion of what life was supposed to look like. It was as if I was being framed by someone else’s manipulative fill-in-the-blank answers to the “You Will Be Happy When” form provided by the American dream creators.
I didn’t like being boxed in or told what the “right” answers were. I didn’t want to follow someone else’s path. I wanted to blaze trails and discover my own path.
What I discovered while exploring the wide-open landscape of unlimited possibilities is that I was willing to risk beyond measure to be the creator of my life’s dream.
Unwilling to go back to my old ways, I completely transformed my life. Like a caterpillar liquifies in the cocoon to completely reform into a butterfly, I insulated myself and allowed time to completely reshape me from the inside out to emerge with wings for flight.
I make all choices based on what feels good. I only pour my energy into life-giving and positively energizing things.
I don’t care at all about what life looks like on the outside. I only care about what life feels like on the inside. I have learned discernment. I don’t answer every question posed to me and I am super comfortable with saying “no.”
I speak my truth with honor and establish self-loving boundaries as necessary. (And yes, there are probably plenty people who don’t like me. And yes, I have been called a b*tch more than once.)
I am content and at peace with myself. Even when living through life’s extremely challenging seasons, I’ve never ever wanted to go back to my old ways — back to caterpillar me. Butterflies don’t go back to being caterpillars. They don’t go back to the cocoon and un-do all the magnificence they worked so hard to grow into. They flutter their wings and fly free.
In looking at this shadow selfie photo and recalling the awesome day I had with Landon just doing ordinary things, I am grateful for this extraordinary life I am living and the gift of breath to keep living it with wings spread out wide for flight.